Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes

Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes

A No-bullshit Guide to World Mythology

Book - 2013
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From the creator of Myths Retold comes a hilarious collection of Greek, Norse, Chinese and even Sumerian myths retold in their purest, bawdiest forms!

All our lives, we've been fed watered-down, PC versions of the classic myths. In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified...wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory O'Brien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told: loudly, and with lots of four-letter words.

Did you know?

Cronus liked to eat babies.

Narcissus probably should have just learned to masturbate.

Odin got construction discounts with bestiality.

Isis had bad taste in jewelry.

Ganesh was the very definition of an unplanned pregnancy.

And Abraham was totally cool about stabbing his kid in the face.

Still skeptical? Here are a few more gems to consider:

* Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed.

* The entire Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet just got too hammered to keep murdering everyone.

* The Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw sweet dance parties...on the corpses of their enemies.

* The Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange for one shiny necklace.

And there's more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.
Publisher: New York, New York :, Penguin Group,, 2013, ©2013.
Edition: First edition.
ISBN: 9780399160400
Branch Call Number: 201. 30207 OBR
Characteristics: ix, 289 pages : illustrations ; 20 cm
Additional Contributors: Melville, Sarah E. - Illustrator

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lxpetrik
Oct 04, 2017

This is hilarious! I highly recommend it.

j
Jakedesnake
May 23, 2015

Great book, O'Brien explains global myths (and doesn't only concentrate on greek myth, unlike most authors) with an amount of detail and immersion, while doing so with humour and with a usage of land. Each myth is summed up with a somewhat funny roundup (or moral, as O'Brien calls them).
My only concern is the juvenile nature of some parts. I took a page at random and it turned out to be the first page of a Norse myth called "Sex 4 Gold" (right of the bat): " So Freyja wakes up one morning and she is like «I JUST HAD A WET DREAM ABOUT SOME GOLD AND NOW I WANT SOME [...]»". I didn't find this brought anything to the story. I'm not 10. I don't find the usage of the word dick on every page particularly amusing. Aside from this, 10/10 would reread.
By the way, I love the illustrations; they captured the nature of this book. It's a shame I couldn't find more info about Sarah Melville, the illustrator, as she is very talented.

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